Saturday, 2 April 2016

Serious Saturday



 Good afternoon everyone!

On this Saturday I want to talk to you guys about something what's troubling me and what is quite a part of my life. I don't talk about this often and I feel like this one of the first times, I've been completely open about this: I suffer from Anxieties. To illustrate how it feels to me I wrote a little poem about the kind of anxiety I have and how it feels to me day to day. I realize it isn't completely the same for other people who do suffer from it, but I think many can relate to it. Maybe it doesn't make sense, but it sure did help me writing it.


Fear

What do people think
Am I doing it right
Will people like me
Why can’t I be more normal

it’s almost not to describe
the struggle every day brings
To do or not
where will it lead to

this certain event or happening
does shaken my world
And leaves me with a numb feeling
I feel trapped in a body with happy appearances

Heart pumping, thoughts racing
No concentration, hardly can sleep
Productivity down the drain
The thing that remains is my fear

What’s my identity
is it to fear everything
People, school, work or sports
I can’t seem to get along

Shouting out to the world
Help me, but no one hears me
it doesn’t leave this body
the only thing that comes true is this smile

The smile that isn’t honest
I need people
Not to help me, 
But to be there

This constant battle with myself
It's tiring and painful
Yet I know
Someday I will prevail  

I have thought a long time that I did have some physical inconveniences or I had just a small or minor depression that would pass by. I have seen a psychologist on numerous occasions, but I always thought the things I felt would go over like the tide will change.

However I didn't feel better over all and that made me frustrated. I couldn't put my finger on it and I think I'm person that needs regularity mentally and socially. I felt I became more isolated and at that time I turned more and more to twitter. I don't know exactly why, but in my opinion the quality of twitter as a social medium did appeal to me. Here I came into contact with several people and bloggers who share the same anxiety feeling or a part of it and were willing to talk about it. That gave me the positive feelings.

I started this blog and I feel encouraged to talk about the thing I feel and experience. I think other bloggers gave me a sense of being and that I'm not alone in this. Ultimately that is why I'm now writing this blog and to give a glimpse of my life.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. The story might appear a bit messy as are my thoughts. It's my first attempt explaining this. Thank you again and if you ever want to talk about it, please do. It could help the both of us.

Marc



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