Thursday, 19 May 2016

Smiling is difficult.



To smile, smiling
Smile more, I can see those two words leaving your mouth
Every time you think it will improve the chances of me smiling.
In all honesty, the pressure grows rapidly and coping is difficult.

Giving a smile is easy
Especially at first, no pressure
Then the feelings come in and smiling become more difficult every time
Those words seem to leave your lips for me to receive

Behind those 'smiles' is a struggling creature
A creature full of anxieties
A mind full of thoughts, fears and doubts
Pressured to live according to society's standards
Becoming more introvert and anxious
Time passes

No secrets anymore
I'm not okay
I'm scared
I've got a lot of fears
I've anxieties

The time of shaming is over
It's time for you to know a bit about my struggle
Imagine a world where thoughts seem to wander your every day presence
Discussing with your brain,
Positive and negative armies trying to decide what to do
And the only outcome is fear.

Imagine waking up scared for no reason,
Doubting every fiber of your being
Rushed, heart racing, chaos
Finding the strength for 20 minutes
Wanting to keep under the duvet,
Deciding to go do the stuff you must,
Unhappy

Work, school
People wanting different things
Feeling tired all the time
Worrying like there's no tomorrow

I feel so numb, yet vivid
Motivation is lacking, I want to
But I can't

It's getting me down.
I've anxieties
But today I make the decision
I'm not alone, I won't be alone
I need people to understand, I'm not like you

Understand that's life is hard like this
I want to accept, but I need you to accept
That I've anxieties
That I won't be like society wants me to be
I'm just Marc



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